i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You have to summon your inner elephant
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
