my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
