My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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