he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
