hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
