Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
