i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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