So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
