Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
