I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The air was thick with penises
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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