I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
