May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
