we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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