Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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