My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
