but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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