You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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