who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
