i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
