So drunk its hurt
Where is the hickey?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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