THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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