He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
