I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
