i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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