I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
