the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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