Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
