I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
