Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
