I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
