we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
