I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
