I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
