I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
