turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
