Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
