the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
