Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
