Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
