you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
