I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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