I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
