I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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