What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
