last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
