it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
