a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
