That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
