So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
