I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize