Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
