lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize