They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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