Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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