Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
