your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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