Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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