I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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