i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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