I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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