I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
