I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize