I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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