don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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