They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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