Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
