All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
