I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize