You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
