It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
