You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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