I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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