Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
