her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
