I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
