went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
