if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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