Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
