Buhtt sex?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
