Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
