How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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