I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize