Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
