I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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