My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
