If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
