well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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