cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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