i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
