He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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