Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
