i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
