Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
